I really don’t like going to the dentist. I love going to the dentist.
Every time I visit my dentist, Dr. Colleen Schmidt, I have a great time. She’s funny, friendly and is very hip. And she’s quite attractive. In fact, everyone in her office is attractive. The receptionist…the hygienists… there’s not an ugly one in the bunch.
A couple of weeks ago, I went in because I needed to have a crown put on one of my teeth. I talked with Jessica and Laura up front and then was led back to that ever so slightly uncomfortable dentist chair.
A minute later Colleen walked in. “What’s up, Oakley? How’s the family?”
“Claire and the kids are good. How’s your family?”
“Great. We just got back from the beach. Myrtle. So open up let me see what going on with that molar.”
A minute later Colleen was drilling. I slightly tilted my head to the side, like any guy, and passed the time by staring at her tats. Oops. That’s a typo. (But maybe not the typo you were thinking it was.) I pass the time looking at the tat on her wrist. And trying to figure out what it is.
When she stopped drilling my cavity for a minute, I asked her, “What’s with the tat? Is that new?”
“Oh that’s for my kids.”
“For your kids?”
“Yes,” she said and held up her wrist, “When you look at it like this, it says Max. When you turn it upside down, it says Allie.”
“Oh that’s cool.”
Then she went back to drilling.
On my next spit break, I asked her what music is playing.
“It’s Grace Potter and the Nocturnals,” Colleen gleefully replied. “She’s awesome.”
“You’ve heard her music before haven’t you?” I shook my head back and forth since I still have a mouthful of dentistry equipment.
“You don’t know Grace Potter?” I shook my head again. “I can’t believe it. She’s so good. She’s coming to Charlotte in August. We’re going to see her. I can’t wait. Do you like the song that’s on now?” I nodded my head to indicate yes. “I know you’ve heard Paris. You’ve heard Paris, haven’t you? That’s her big hit now.” I shook my head side to side.
I had never heard of Grace Potter. I thought she sounded pretty good. Or at least what I could hear above the sound of the drill shaving bits of decay from my molar and the suction tube sucking.
Colleen finished drilling and looked at me and said, “I think you would really like Grace Potter. You know why? Because she’s a fantastic musician. Plus she is H.O.T. hot!”
What do you say in response to that? I just said, “Well, I do like hot women. I’m married to one.”
“You and Claire really should go to the show.”
Then she got back to business. “You wait here and I’ll be back to put on your new crown in about 15 minutes. So I sat there in the chair and listened to Grace Potter. Ten minutes later, Colleen walked back in holding a sheet of paper. She handed it to me. On the sheet of paper was a photo of Grace. “I told you she was hot.”
“Wow, you’re right about that. Smokin’ hot.”
“I went to see Grace at House of Blues in Myrtle Beach. She wears really short skirts and rocks it out. When she comes to Charlotte, you might see me on stage dancing with her.”
I nodded in approval.
“I think I have a giant girl crush on her. If I were a lesbian, she’d be who I’d be after.” I almost choked on my own saliva. She busted out laughing and then so did I. It was fun. And it was funny.
Hey Grace. If by some chance you read this and need a teeth cleaning, go see Colleen when you’re in town. Or better yet, give her a shout out at your show. She deserves it. After all, she’s the best dentist in Charlotte. And she’s your #1 fan.
Colleen Schmidt DDS is conveniently located across from the Arboretum Shopping Center at the southeast corner of Hwy. 51 and Providence Road in Charlotte. 704-544-1402